Actual Conversations

E - Can I have a puppy?

T - Let's see how the baby goes first

E - You mean like if I don't kill our offspring I can have a puppy?

T - Yes, yes that's exactly what I mean


It's like a test run, if you can keep a baby alive you can definitely keep a puppy alive. His logic is undeniable.

Actual Conversations

Via the gchats:

T- Are you excited for the NFL draft tonight?

E- OHMIGOD I CAN'T WAIT!

T - Thought so. Who do you think the giants are going to take?

E- Well its obvious their most pressing need is a right tackle and a linebacker

T - ...did you just look that up? Because its actually accurate...

E - Yes, yes I did, I don't even know what a linebacker is.

T - Hahahahaha.

But the point is I cared enough to look it up! Also, my money is on Fluker though he might get picked before the Giants get to him, so maybe Werner or Ogletree? (I read this WHOLE article.)

Ogletree is an awesome last name by the way.

Actual conversations

Walking upstairs to find Taylor playing on his phone while its in the alarm clock holder.

E - what are you doing??

T - playing a game while my phone charges. What are you doing??

E - finding lotion to put on the hedgehog's ears.

T - and you act like I'M the weird one.

For the record, it takes a lot of patience to get a hedgepig to let you put lotion on her ears. And she expects a freeze dried grasshopper afterwards.

Actual Conversations

T - Tonight is a night where I want bad food.

E - No! Be healthy!

T -Fine. What do you want for dinner?

E - I don't know, pick something off my pinterest.

A few minutes later...

T- 90 percent of these recipes are potatoes.

E - Because potatoes are awesome!

Its so true though guys, I like only pin savory recipes that contain potatoes. Check it out.

Actual Conversations

E- Who are my celebrity crushes? Besides the rock?

T- Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel, Stallone, Arnold, Gordon Ramsey

E - GORDON! I forgot about him! I'm trying to not have my list based solely upon action stars old enough to be my dad.

But seriously, if they were in the Expendables, I'm probably a little bit in love with them.

Actual conversations

As students jaywalk everywhere by the school:

E- I hate them! I hate them so much!

T- So much anger.

E - They don't have a walk!!

T- You would totally go to the dark side of the force.

E- I totally would.

Actual Conversations

T - I'm going to Target do we need anything?

E- YES! Sunscreen. Not the spray kind.

T - Okay. SPF 30000?

E - I hate you.

Har dee har har.

Actual Conversations

E - Oh my god my elbows are hiving out! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???

T - God hates you.

E - Probably. It's because I'm marrying a Jew.

T - Or because I'm the chosen one and you're a Shiksa.

Either way I should probably buy stock in benedryl.

sorry if this offends you, we mean it in good fun, and think that whatever your religion (or lack thereof) your god is a benevolent one who wouldn't inflict hives on anyone for loving someone of a different religion 

Actual Conversation

E - What kind of beer do you want at the wedding?

T - Natty Ice, Budwiser, Old English in 40 ounce and something fruity. Maybe that Cherry wheat one that comes in the Christmas Pack.

E - YES!!!!!! FORTIES!!!!!!!! Pure class!!!!


Nothing but the best for us.

Actual Conversations

E - Dude, all the cute players are either hurt or suck at football. 

T - The fact that you said dude makes that the gayest fantasy football text ever. 

I don't think my team is going to win. 

P.S. I know I have royally sucked with the updating, but wait till you see the awesomeness in store for you. 

Actual conversations

E - if we had met on a dating show would you have picked me?

T - depends what are the other girls like?

E - not as awesome as me.

T - then yes. Would you have picked me?

E - yes!

T - that's a lie, you would pick the cowboy.

The bachelorette inspires deep discussions about our relationship.

Actual Conversations from Taylor

T: I think ill get my hair cut short after work today. If it looks stupid I'm blaming you.

E: ok, luckily it grows back

T: it does?

E Well on normal people it does, maybe not on you.

Actual Conversation

E - "Well maybe you should try the original color"
T - "I tried that and it didn't work"
E - "Well maybe you tried it wrong"
T - "Well maybe you should shut up"
E - "I'm just sayin..."
Five minutes of arguing later Taylor does what Evelyn says and everything works out.
Just sayin.

Actual Conversations

E - "I feel like I turned out pretty well."

T - "Yeah, you're fairly well adjusted for a freak"

P.S. Happy New Year!!!!!

Actual Conversations

E- "It's confusing to me."

T- "It's because you have a tiny brain."

E- "Probably true. Tiny brain, but at least I'm cute!"

T - "Truth."